How To Unsafely Dye Your Hair With Fabric Dye For $10 (part The End)

Part Three: Day Two: Part 3B: The Day After Tomorrow A Year Later


Waking with a gleam in my eye and my preparations almost complete I realized that I didn't have any gloves. Gloves would be important in case what we scientists call a "worst case scenario" happened. Having no idea what a worst case scenario would look like I decided more research was in order. A Google search of "Hair terrible accident boobs" returned, I swear to God, a picture of that twinkly vampire that looks like a gay albino caveman, 80's hard rock somethings Motley Crue, a baseball bat and several suicidal naked women. After puzzling over this for a minute I realized that it could only mean one thing: Tentacle Monster has struck! Tentacle Monster is always the worst case scenario! By merely searching for the worst case scenario he (or possibly she,) had revealed himself (or herself, depending on which backwater mental sewer your insane Japanese porn fetish leads you to.)

She hungers

Realizing that even in a non-monster-rape situation latex gloves would be useful in keeping the dye off of my hands I set out to procure some from the nearest place I didn't have to pay for them. This proved to be impossible, even for science. The nearest fast food employee either didn't understand human or wanted me to believe he didn't. The convenience store clerk understood my request but was a simpering and cowardly minion of some ominous boss monster he referred to ominously only as The Boss. I then set out for the tavern and walked quite a long way before I realized I had somehow mistaken the real world for the Dragon Quest game I had fallen asleep playing the night before.

Terrible Hair Accident

Returning home, gloveless, the burning obsession that had gripped me the day before quickly faded. In it's place I found only the gnawing hunger of unfulfilled dreams as well as the gnawing hunger of regular hunger.

My foray into the mysterious world of the sciences had been futile with regards to hair, but had not been without valuable lessons:

• Never trust foreigners in tights.
• Clothes usually aren't on fire.
• Rit is a front for fire demons from beyond the stars.
• No one likes progress.
• Tentacle Monster now has control of Google.
• McDonald's employees don't know what gloves are.
• There is a boss fight in every gas station if you're willing to look hard enough.
• Your roommate will eventually pass out drunk with the oven on and burn your house down.