My X-Man Power. For Real.

I must have this weird energy I put off that ensures I can watch a TV show on occasion over a period of years and somehow only see the same three episodes. Or some kind of internal clock that keeps time by using the programming schedules of whatever I have on in the background.

It's uncanny.

I can tell you, for example, that the guest star in the Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode where Dennis winds up in a mental hospital was walking 1990's stereotype Sinbad, and that the guys name is Dennis because it stands for Demonstrate value, Engage physically, Nurture dependence, Neglect emotionally, Inspire hope, Separate entirely. This fucking show comes on every goddamn day during the three hours that Comedy Central isn't showing infomercials or teen comedies and accidentally lets programming on the air that isn't universally hated. My TV is on that channel for all three of those hours with me in the room at least once every two weeks. Which means, mathematically, that I have watched at least 26 episodes of Always Sunny in the past year. And it's ALWAYS THOSE TWO EPISODES!

Part of me thinks "This looks like the low-brow, lowest-common-denominator trash that gets pushed out the door to keep the studio's bills paid. Fuck it, I'm watching Charlie Brooker or Tim Minchin on YouTube." And part of me thinks "This looks like a subversive look into the dark realities of urban small-business ownership, abusive patriarchal family dynamics, and human sexuality disguised as low-brow comedy. It is entirely possible that this show is my generation's A Modest Proposal."

I will probably never know if either of those two thoughts is true.

Because if it comes on TV it will be either of those two episodes and I will never have a large enough sample size. If I see it on Netflix I'm damn sure not gonna watch it because I FUCKING HATE those two episodes.

House is the same way. Sliders. Battlestar Gallactica. Dr. Who before David Tennant descended from the heavens and proved that, yes, there is indeed a dick I would willingly pay to suck. Any Simpsons episode made after 1996. Big Bang Theory.


How. does. this. happen?