I would like it if I could say that I started this because I thought to myself "Finally! A place where my radical and world-changing thoughts, beliefs and insights can be posted for the entire world to marvel at! Much like Martin Luther, this will truly revolutionize everything!" But really, Google just made it retardedly easy. Five minutes ago I didn't have a blog, now I do.
Anyway, here's my deep and revolutionary insight for the day: Fuck you, Neil Gaiman. When I read American Gods I thought "Damn! I can't wait for this to get a Carnivale-esque, long-ass miniseries on HBO." But since then I've seen him put his name on Stardust, featuring Robert Di Nero as a horrifying homosexual stereotype from the 80's, and Beowulf, the third crap adaptation in less than ten years and possibly the first movie filmed entirely in the Uncanny Valley.
What was doubly uncanny about Beowulf was pointlessness of it. All of the actors were rendered as CGI parodies of themselves at great expense, and for what? So they could engage in the physically impossible acts of getting drunk on mead, taking their clothes off and bellowing clunky, awkwardly re-written lines from 300 and the The 13th Warrior? Fuck you, Neil Gaiman. The SyFy channel produces that movie five times a day for a fraction of the budget, with the added benefit of me not begging a cold and uncaring God to burn the image of naked Sir Anthony Hopkins from my mind every night for a month.